June 27.
Today, Hubby and I are celebrating our 17th year both as a married couple, and then as a family. I am grateful to God for holding us together these past years, and in the years to come. God is a vital part of our marriage, the only valid third-party, allowed to come between us in any and all situations.
Some say "Wow, 17 years ang tagal nyo na!" (Wow, 17 years, that's long!), but looking at my own parents, who celebrated their 57th wedding anniversary last month makes ours look like a mere baby.
It's so tempting to downplay what we now have. But no, we do not dare downplay our 17 years, no matter how others may view it - whether as a young marriage or mature one. 17 is 17, and that's a long time to "have and to hold" given the varying degree of stubbornness we both possess or the annoying things we can do to each other.
We do not dare downplay our 17 years, because, as we have come to discover, younger couples do look to us and follow our lead, even when we chose to be low-key as a couple.
We do not dare downplay our 17 years, because nowadays, one would be "lucky" to get past 2 or to even meet his/her soulmate at the altar and exchange I DOs.
We do not dare downplay our 17 years, because each year is a gift from God.
Incidentally, the few weeks preceding today, I had an encounter with two young couples - one for counselling, the other for mentoring. It is interesting (albeit, surprising) what one who has been married for quite a while can learn from younger couples nowadays. You have to hold on to your seat, to keep yourself from falling over when you hear what are the current perceptions on marriage.
I will not list them down here. But I WILL instead, share some of my thoughts that have come out of these discussions.
Start your marriage on a positive mindset.
What does it mean to begin with a
positive mindset? That your marriage will work, rather than on a negative
mindset like: "my parents' marriage failed, so baka sa akin din?" or even with
doubt that "what if it doesn't work?" When you start with a negative
mindset, you are already leading your marriage to fail, even before it actually
does. When you approach your marriage with a positive mindset, you are
The best and surest
approach to marriage is with God’s word.
“If
two people approach marriage with God’s word, they will be following His ways
and doing His will.” (D. Weil)
Being married to the same person for the rest of my life is going to be
boring.
While I can see how some couples (mostly wives) acquire this sentiment, it should never be the case. Unless you have married a robot, it is not possible for your spouse to remain the same for the rest of his or her lifetime. The person you married will be a different person next year, because like everyone, he or she grows to a level up of maturity and in his or her walk with God. Now, perhaps the question you need to ask is this "Is my spouse a better person because of me?" I hope he or she is not a bitter person because of you!
While I can see how some couples (mostly wives) acquire this sentiment, it should never be the case. Unless you have married a robot, it is not possible for your spouse to remain the same for the rest of his or her lifetime. The person you married will be a different person next year, because like everyone, he or she grows to a level up of maturity and in his or her walk with God. Now, perhaps the question you need to ask is this "Is my spouse a better person because of me?" I hope he or she is not a bitter person because of you!
Marriage is an AND relationship, not an OR.
When we open a joint bank account, it
is either ‘and’, ‘or’ or ‘and/or’. But with our love bank account, there is only one kind of
account – AND. Marriage is teamwork. You are a team, and not in competition
with each other. So, don’t ever entertain the idea that your spouse is not “kampi” (on your side) with you just because he/she opposed your idea or doesn’t support your move all the time. I
believe that there is no one person who enters into a marriage covenant with the conscious
mindset to ‘compete’ with his/her spouse. I mean, so what if you are better than your spouse at cooking, will someone give you a gold medal for it? So what if you are better than your spouse at budgeting. Will it win you a million bucks? Whatever it is you are better at is to complement your spouse, and whatever it is he/she is better at is to complement you. Have you read the Proverbs 31 woman? Go ahead and read it again, but this time think marriage. This is a couple who definitely complements each other. Their respective strengths carry each other, and people praise him AND her because of what each one brings into their marriage.
Someone once said, “Happy
marriages happen because couples think of the other and to grow in friiendship
with them”
I have also been asked, what do I do
to keep my marriage strong and healthy. It can get confusing with all the stuff
that’s out there about marriage. They are all good, and they all say the same
thing, just in different ways…so don’t get confused.
I subscribe to Everett
Worthington’s ingredients to a thriving marriage: Faith, Work, Love.
Perhaps, I will share more about it on my next blog.
Blessings!
Donna
