REFLECTION

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to do a photoshoot for BabyAnne's Mansion or BAM, a Home for Children in Bulacan. I arrived an hour and a half later than I had planned. I wanted to get there by 8, to catch good light, but traffic (even though it was well anticipated) still ruined my well-laid out plans. I got there at 10:30. Golden hour was over. Any photographer would understand my disappointment. But you gotta do with what you have, right. I had six hours more and didn't need to ruin it because of this "loss". Also, there is the later golden hour to anticipate.

So I got there, was met by Jenn, my host and the manager of BAM. I got introduced to some of the staff who were already getting lunch ready for the kids.

And so it began...

Shrieks.
Doe-eyes.
Bare feet.
More-than-willing models to my delight.
I barely held the camera to my face and they were already showing off their best poses!


Every kid wanted a chance to preview themselves on my cam. One instantaneously swiped the preview screen like a cellphone.
I had to laugh.
The oohs and aahs when they saw themselves were priceless.

They loved my assistant, Miss Scrunchie (yeah, a scrunchie that I attached eyeballs on and a ribbon too, and placed around my lens).

One shy boy didn't want to lend me his smile, so I played peek-a-boo with him. He was all over the place after that.



It was too cute that, even though they didn't have a television, they constantly gave me their "pabebe waves" ala Yaya Dub (yes one of the staff also pointed this out).

These little ones captured my heart. Their smiles showing no trace of the life they represent, the sad and heart-wrenching situation that brought them here and the uncertainty of their future.

Jesus once reminded his followers to "let the little children come to me and do not hinder them. The kingdom of heaven belong to such as these." (Matthew 19:14). It surely does. I can already imagine it. I would even want heaven to be all children. Being with all 36 of them for an afternoon...well, for a moment I wished that I had the power to eradicate everything that is evil in this world, for their sake.

I once wrote about LEGACY, and what kind of legacy are we leaving for the little ones like these little ones? What kind of world were we building for them? What kind of life were we preparing for them?
Trash or treasure?
Garbage or gold?

As I took my last shot,
I was physically tired (a harsh reminder that I was not as young as I would want to believe),
my leg muscles began to ache (from climbing up and down stairs, platforms and doing all those acrobatic stuff to get the good shots)
and I needed 5 shots of espresso just to get me back in the van.
But on the drive home, as tired as I was, my mind was still in BAM thinking about the kids, and their stories: how their young mom left them for another man or has been from one husband to another, how their father ended up in prison, how their relatives just gave up on taking care of them.
My mind was still in BAM, of the brothers and sisters that have no one else but each other, praying that when they get older, they will not let go of this love and bond they have now. I pray that they will still care for and look after each other.
My mind was still in BAM, admiring the story of how BabyAnne's Mansion began, with 5 young ladies who weren't taken seriously then, but armed with the passion to make a difference in their community. Look what their passion has led to...because they did not give up.

What a day.
What a day!

GIDDY

"Remember your creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say "I find no pleasure in them". Ecclesiastes 12:1

WATCHING

…effervescent young folks in the cafeteria, enchantedly chatting away on their lunch hour. One girl giddily said, "Hey, my kind of people" as she joined in on a group of girls beside my table. 

This whole scenario made me do a throwback! Was I like this when I was 14? I don’t remember! Awww, was it that long ago? Haist!

On one hand, I hope I wasn't coz it can be quite embarrassing! On the other hand, I hope I was, coz they’re really nice to watch. Unrestrained. Unabashed. Unconventional. And mind you, not at all bothered or intimidated by the serious dame beside them trying to eat her lunch while working on a task on her phone (yah yah yah, that would be me). Or maybe they just didn't care.

THINKING

...where did all my own giddiness go?
...that when we get older the realities of life begin to become heavier and harsher. It puts a lid on our giddiness. By the time we are 40...ish, it can weigh us down...a lot. 

So we laugh less. We frown more.

We spend less time admiring the mundane, but spend more overthinking it.

We turn down opportunities to enjoy the moment and bury yourself instead in maximizing the moment.
We are suspicious, instead of open.

We spend Saturdays catching up on laundry, instead of catching up on life.
We are tired, instead of lively.

Sigh. Where did all the giddiness go?

Then the young boys across the aisle giggled (yeah, boys giggle!).

Enjoy the moment young 'uns. Enjoy your youth. And don't let the cares of the world take away your laughter. Take it along with you in your journey toward maturity.

THANKING

…God for moments like this when when we are about your usual routine and then He throws in a
pinch of humour in our direction to remind us what LIFE it is all about.
It is all about enjoying His presence and His creation. It is about enjoying the moment.

PROMISE

Hope and the promise of spring. It is perhaps the only thing that can get you through the lifelessness and drab of the wintertime.

It has been a while since I have had the ultimate experience of Spring - when the excitement and beauty of winter wanes, and monotony and bleakness begins overwhelm. You go through it mechanically, as you have nothing much to do but to survive it. Then one day, as you take a stroll outside, still wrapped in layers of clothing to keep warm, you stumble across a single little Forget-Me-Not bud, very much alive sticking out from a pile of dead twigs! LIFE! The hope you have been anticipating! Spring is coming! 

Now living in a tropical island country, where the seasons are only between "hot and wet", Springtime barely makes her appearance, If ever it does, perhaps in psuedo-spring forms. If flowers were the sign of Spring, then it can happen in anytime during the year - February, April, May and October...and depending where you are in the country.

Or perhaps a trip to the flower shop in Dangwa can give one a wiff of spring anytime!

But the occurrence of Winter and Spring can also find its way into my life as well. A harsh winter, unforgiving, draining and deceiving. It can drain every ounce of energy and spiritual juices from my veins! 

But the promise of change, the promise of life renewed, the promise of salvation lingers at my door. No, it is not yet time for them to come in, but they are there nonetheless. HOPE.

And so I was just filled with delight when our backyard floral plants came into bloom. Why so? Because they were all almost dying and hopeless when my husband rescued them from here and there. They not only gave me joy for their survival, and yes beauty, they became an resounding reminder from God that spring has come. It is time to open the door and let his promises in.

"But I'm not letting go of this hope I have that tells me...

 Spring is coming, Spring is coming

And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
It won't be long now, it's just about here

Hear the birds start to sing
Feel the life in the breeze
Watch the ice melt away
The kids are coming out to play

Feel the sun on your skin
Growing strong and warm again



Watch the ground: there's something moving
Something is breaking through
New life is breaking through

 

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And it won't be long now, it's just about here

Spring is coming, Spring is coming

 Out of these ashes, beauty will rise
And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
Sorrow will be turned to joy

Spring is coming, Spring is coming

All we hoped for soon will appear
It won't be long now, it's just about here
Out of the dark clouds, beauty will shine
All above in heaven, rejoice 
Spring is coming soon!

(Steven Curtis Chapman's "Spring is Coming")

LOVE

I intentionally did not write about LOVE in time to publish it on Valentine's day! It was not easy, believe me! After all, Love was all over!

Love was everywhere! Social media posts were filled with photos of hearts, chocolates, roses and date nights....and not to forget the horrendous traffic as early as 10 in the morning!
I was actually asked thrice on heart's day if hubby and I were gonna go out. To which my reply was a resounding, "No!", simply because I shudder at the thought of trying to enjoy a date night waiting in line in an overbooked restaurant after braving the traffic and crowd to get there! The introverted Tan couple just can't stand that kind of scenario. So, I let the rest of the world go enjoy their day however they want to, while I am as smug as a bug in my abode and think about the LOVES of my life.



So yeah, I beam a smile and thank God for the simple facets of love in form of

MY FAMILY...







My hubby, who showers me with love every single day - lots of them in my love language, and some other stuff that are not but I'll take it anyway. So how can I even complain! Hahaha! Come now, we really don't need to wait for February the 14th to show our spouse how much we love one another! Every night is an opportunity to be a date night. Every day is an opportunity to show your spouse how much you love him/her.
But yeah, hubby still surprises me with a lovely bouquet of tulips (my favourite). Sweet.

My kids, who think I'm the best mom in the world, whether I feed them peanut butter and jelly sandwich or hickory spareribs. Who will love anything I buy them. Who, even at 13 and 9 respectively, still don't mind if I kiss them in public or bunk in with them on some nights, just because. Who will love me more if I give them bonus hours on the play station! And hey, a hand-made personalized valentine's day card from them beats Ferrero Rocher anytime!

And I thank God for friends...
folks who love me in more ways than I can ask for. Who know what to ask, how to ask and when to ask. Who know when and when not to speak. Who will be there well... just because. It doesn't matter what they are doing, where in the world they are. You know they are thinking good thoughts for you, and praying for you. They know how a cup of coffee will do me good. Ah, I remember a post that said that a true friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg, even though they know you're slightly cracked! Not that I want to be a cracked egg!







Then, there is the One who loves me with no "becauses".  My creator. My God. My Lord. My Redeemer. He loved me so much that He does not ask me of anything but that I trust him. He has done everything for me.  He will do everything for me. He loves me with an everlasting love, one that will endure countless of valentines.
You know what? He loves you, too!

COMFORT

"My comfort in my suffering is this; Your promise preserves my life." Psalm 119:50

Yup! Life is a pain. It is not a bed of roses. Life can throw you a curveball, - unexpected, surprising and disruptive. You may be so sure that you are ready for what life can throw at you, of what people can do to you...until the curve ball actually happens. Then you realize that all the readiness is not enough to quench the influx of affliction that begins to fill you with that painful curve ball.
Have you read the PSALMS lately. Not simply skimming through it but really putting your soul into it, to understand it and ruminate what the Psalmist writes about? He got some nasty curve balls thrown his way, and too many times to count. Unless you aim to know what is going on, then you can verge on thoughts that he is being overly mellow-dramatic. But look at his honestly with God! He just opens his heart out to His Lord! That's not mellow-dramatic. That is genuineness!
So, when you find yourself right smack in the hurt and agony of the Psalmist, it can be unbelievable that this is really happening, but it is! Such people who attack you too much exist, and such disappointments that will break you will come your way, and such pain will pierce through your heart will happen.
You take your daily vitamins from the Word of God, enough to usher you through the day. We do not really head into a regular day thinking - I'm gonna be fighting a battle today! I'm gonna dodge a curveball today! We put on the full armour of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) everyday, but then, this curve ball comes from an unexpected place, or an unexpected person, that even with the armour of God, it hits you real hard, because it comes from a people whom you have trusted and invested your life in. With whom, when you are with them, you unman the armour, because you believe that there is no battle here, as you are among friends.
David was among friends...family in fact. His debilitating curve ball came through his son Absalom, through his King, Saul. People whom David would even die for!

It can really seem hopeless, huh. But not so! David continues to look upon Yahweh, praising and blessing the name of the Lord at every turn! Oh how comforting it is that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. he rescues those who are crushed in Spirit. The righteous face many troubles, but the Lord rescues them from each and every one." (34:18). The greatest, and perhaps only, comfort that we can ever receive comes from God. It comes from the eternal truth that His love for us is never-ending! NEVER-ENDING!

Trust in the Lord, my child. Take delight in Him. Commit your life to him. Be still in His presence. Rest in His promise that he will help you, he will give you your heart's desire, he will make you innocent and will vindicate you. Don't worry. DON'T WORRY!!! (Psalm 37)

So, yeah. Let the Word of God comfort you, enrich you, equip you and dwell in you. All I need is a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of God!

JOY

Looking for JOY?

"When you're looking for JOY you will always find it hiding in your GRATITUDE." (Ann Voskamp)

Now, this is one quote that will stick to me forever!  In fact, it is on my work desk, on my planner, on my phone's wallpaper! It struck me and really got me re-thinking about JOY and about GRATITUDE (shouldn't we all?).
I have to admit that I've already began to think that perhaps JOY is  an elusive emotion, even bordering on mythical. I don't even know if I have already experienced it, crossed the line that differentiates it from happiness. Happiness, yes. Glee, yes. Contentment, yes. But JOY...hmmm, have I? So, as I have learned from my mentors Carolyn Custis James and Dee Brestin, to keep on searching, and if needed, struggle with the answers, I did a sublime research on unsuspecting folks and asked them "what is joy?" The summary of all their responses, both verbal and non-verbal was that it is "more than happiness".
Ok. Even my kids (bless their heart) won't buy that, if that is how I explained JOY to them.
I have thus come to conclude that JOY must perhaps be attained by faith. And so perhaps my faith is probably not yet "up there" in terms of being able to fully grasp what it is! (Gasp!!!)
Then bam! Someone spoke, and answered my question via my Facebook lounge.
More than just being thankful, like the proverbial "Thanks", but being grateful, indebted and appreciative of what is before you! And when we are in that state of mind, coupled with remembering (see my post on REMEMBER), then and only then is there a genuine, life-transforming understanding of who you are and who God is!
Then bam! You suddenly feel this surge of feeling that is more than happiness (yeah, I told you so!) because it engulfs your spirit and your soul. You do not only then feel physically happy but your soul and spirit are one with your body in an emotion that uplifts you and transforms your whole being!

You know, I may not even come close enough yet to describing JOY, but it will be an honour for me to continue to learn about it as I experience it in this life. And one day, together, we shall face each other in the presence of our Lord and look each other in the eye, and smile because we know what is going on in us, we finally feel it - complete JOY. 

Check your gratitude meter, dear friend. JOY may just be lingering there.

(photo from Ann Voskamp's blog 'a holy experience'.)

REMEMBER

"This I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end". Lamentations 3:21-22. 

Do you remember when God brought you out of the pit, lifted your heavy burdens from your shoulders, held your hand or even embraced you, spoke to your heart, carried you through troubles and walked with you through trials? 
Do you remember that He was betrayed - for you; that He was beaten and bruised beyond anyone could ever bear - for you; that he was hanged to die a gruesome death, a convict's death even though He was innocent - for you.
Do you remember that you are nothing - yet you are the apple of God's eye,
you are worthless - yet he embraced you and claimed you as His heir, you are broken - yet he is restoring you back into perfection because you are created in God's Image!
Perhaps the reason why we are where we are - hopeless, anxious, worried, fearful, envious, disheartened, drained, defeated, angry, bitter, ... is because we don't remember.
Remembering is imperative to joy, and joy can be found in gratitude. One of the greatest enemies of hope is forgetting God’s promises.
Let us learn from Jeremiah, who lived in the midst of and therefore witnessed the fall and then total devastation of beloved Jerusalem, drew his strength from his hope in Yahweh and resolved to "call to mind". This I call to mind. I will remember. #hisfierylove

01/22/15

photo by Donna Tan
donnatanimages.blogspot.com

MIRROR

Today, January 19th, America remembers the life and works of Martin Luther King Jr, while the Philippines culminated Pope Francis' 5-day papal visit. 

I am neither American nor Catholic, but I want to honor them by reposting these quotes from these two men - men whose life, words and works exemplify the Imago Dei. 

And then I kneel in prayer for all of us, who call ourselves Christians and vehemently declare to be followers of Christ, to begin to truly look within ourselves and ask "do we bear the IMAGE OF GOD in our lives, our words and our work?" 1Peter 2:1 says strip ourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Even if it is a mere speck, just a hint of these things in ourselves, we must rid ourselves of them. I pray that we will not find ourselves shooting these deadly arrows at another brother or sister in the Lord, and fall into the blasphemous sin of defaming others (because we defame the Image of God in them). James 4:11 reminds us, "Do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it, There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, who is able to save and to destroy. But you - you do not have the right to judge a brother and sister in Christ." Fellow believers, I pray that we will be zealous in only one thing - to genuinely glorify God through our life, words and actions that we too may be a deserving representations of the Image of God in us. 

Thank you MLK and Pope Francis for reminding us of this.

EMBRACE

His fierce embrace. His fiery love. 

So, yeah,... 
there will be times in your life when you cannot speak out nor even speak of what is truly in your heart. 
Your heart will seem contained, your lips sealed. 
All the words the world has ever invented...
they will fall short to describe the emotion
the agony
the pain
You will wonder when it will end? 
When will comfort come? 
Who can you turn to? 
Take this wretched soul and save me from this!

Then you look to the horizon 
and suddenly the sky says it all. 
HE paints the sky for you.
HE makes a show of how beautiful this all is.
...Even to just draw out a smile from the corner of your mouth. 
Then you suddenly know. 
Then you feel His fierce embrace and His fiery love. 
Then words will become irrelevant. 
‪#‎Hisfierylove‬