A Tone of HOPE

HOPE.

Christmastime is known as the season of love.

For this is the time when disparities are set aside, and giving is on everybody’s mind. The agenda is to give as many gifts as able, to help as many people as possible, and to yes, love even the unlovable.

Christmastime is also known as the season of peace.

For this is the time when disparities are set aside, and harmony is on everybody’s mind. The agenda is to live, even for just this time, in a period with no war, no hate, no anger, no squabble, no bitterness.

Christmastime used to be known as the season of hope. For at this time, disparities are set aside, because hurriedness is on everybody’s mind. The agenda is to be as busy as possible, because Christmas is around the corner and time is running out to finish the shopping, the gift wrapping, the baking, the caroling and the list can go on.

To pause and reflect has now become a thing of the past, overshadowed by haste. It is almost unthinkable to slow down. It’s a race to get all the gifts under the tree before Christmas eve!

Yes, Christmas is definitely about Love and Peace, but it is also about Hope. 

Yeah, what about HOPE?

It is all about slowing down, pausing and reflecting...

...in HOPE for the coming of Jesus our Christ and Lord, to redeem this world and to restore his creation to the beauty that it once was; and in this we, his children, will finally live with him in that perfect, beautiful home he has prepared for us. 

...in HOPE that all the pain and suffering we see, feel, and even experience around us will be brought before Him and be made beautiful.

Are you still in the spirit of expectancy for the coming of Christ? Do you still desire His final redemption? Proverbs 13:12 remind us that “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

In a time when hope feels foolish and naive, or when hope is overshadowed by the other urgent things, be reminded that Christmas is a reminder of the HOPE God has given us. While it is the celebration of “God come near”, it is twinned looking forward to His coming near, again, once and for all. Christmastime is our yearly celebration of this HOPE.

So, be steadfast. Our hope is never in vain.

“Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:5 NKJV)

Hope on.

And “may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

What BALANCE?

If you're a Star Wars fan, like myself, then you would be familiar with the recurring theme of “bringing balance to the force”. It’s kinda the same with us. There seems to be an unending search or desire for BALANCE in our lives. As we grow older, we are offered opportunities and responsibilities one after the other. If you are “praning” about balancing your life now, wait till you get married and have kids!

How do we achieve balance?

We don’t.

Wait, what did I just say?

WE DON'T!

The problem with our inability to bring balance to our life lies in our definition of balance. It almost always comes from the idea of equality, equal weight on both poles, one not outweighing the other. Perhaps an image of this balance would be a tightrope walker who has to make sure that he is perfectly balanced lest he falls to catastrophic results. 

Image from http://people.com/movies/philippe-petit-world-
trade-center-wire-walker-remembers-twin-towers-after-911)

I was just watching the movie “The Walk” the other day, and oh man, Philippe Petit surely got balance going for him! But even he, the expert, wasn’t in “balance” all the time! And I wasn't able to stay balanced on the couch coz I felt nauseous half of the time while watching this movie...on TV! hahaha

Jill Briscoe has this to say about balance, particularly about balancing ministry and marriage: 

“The question we are asked all the time is how we balance marriage and ministry. Balance means equilibrium; which means two competing forces in equality. My point is, as soon as we talk about balancing marriage and ministry, there is an unspoken assumption that they are competing forces and this is fundamentally wrong. They are not. Both are ordained by God. Both are predicated on love. Both are manifested in goodness. So why are they competing? In actual fact, your marriage and your family can become a platform for your ministry. Ministry to each member becomes the ethos of the family.” (Lecture at Trinity Wives Fellowship Large Group, Deerfield IL, 2008)

In other words, if I may say so, to achieve balance in life is to achive the impossible. There is no such thing as perfect balance when we talk about life. Perfect balance can only be achieved with (1) inanimate objects, and  (2) by an external force. Inanimate objects such as a scale, a beam, a see-saw…yeah, things with no life of its own. Thus it entails an external force, the balancer, to apply this balance to it.

There is no way for dynamic, animate objects a.k.a. people, to achieve balance. Interestingly, a tightrope walker doesn’t actually achieve that perfect balance at any point on the rope. He is constantly making adjustments with every step that he makes. (Now you notice, huh!)

That is the keyword – ADJUSTMENT. “He constantly shifts his weight to respond to all the outside forces that threaten his balance” (Terri Chappel, It’s a Wonderful Life, 2006. P189)

In life, it is not about achieving balance, but making adjustments.

You cannot find the Bible addressing the topic on having a balanced life, but it does address about a season for everything under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) and adjusting to each one of them as they come.

When you do not make the necessary adjustments to your life, the ‘urgent’ will crowd out the more important. We hear only the loud noises of urgency and immediate crisis that end up deafening our ears to the quiet and highly important cries of our God, our families, our hearts.

We need to continually make adjustments. Don’t stop. When you stop, you fall.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”

You want balance? Forget it.

Instead, ADJUST!

3 THINGS

As I was writing in my journal today, I found this card inserted in between the pages. It was given to

me by a good friend back in 2007, when we were starting our journey in graduate school at TEDS in Deerfield, IL.

"It would be overwhelming", she said, "you will want to simplify and focus".

Overwhelming was an understatement. True enough, too many things seem to happen all at once, including how I wanted to show my support to my husband as he worked toward his Ph.D. I didn't want to become a burden, but a cheerleader and encourager as he duelled with the brains of his professors and cross-examined books in the library.

Fast forward to nine years, and my goal is still the same when it comes to being a wife - to cheer him on and to encourage him in his leadership in the family, in his gifting/s  and in his calling as a servant of Christ (whether as a pastor, teacher or missionary).

And we don't really need a long list of qualities we need to be or actions that we ought to do to fulfil our role as a wife. We only need three things that will cover them all.

At the back of this card are THREE ESSENTIALS FOR EVERY MARRIED WOMAN (if you can flip it, I will give you a prize!), which I will share below, including some thoughts.

Be a Woman of the Word
Spend time in the Word. Study the Bible seriously and inductively so that you can say "I have not turned aside from your commands for You Yourself have taught me." (Psalm 119:102)

This was truly essential, for God is my best teacher. It is only His Word that could comfort me, then sustain me and then equip me to be the helpmeet my husband needs and the guide my kids needs. You can never go wrong with God's Word. It is the lamp to our feet and the light to our path.

Be a Husband Helper
God's Word describes woman as man's helper (ezer). The Holy Spirit is also described as a Helper. Therefore, knowing Who the Holy Spirit is and what He does for us helps us wives know how to help our husbands.
Like the Holy Spirit:
Let your husband know you will be with him forever.
Be a truth speaker with a soft voice.
Help your husband, with gentleness, to remember the truth that Jesus spoke.

It is tempting, many times, to give in to my inner voice that said "come on, you need to let it out!" I am referring to the stubborn imp in me that wants to have her own way. Thank you Holy Spirit for your unwavering watch over me.

Be a World Changer
Mothers who are raising children are world changers. Believe it. There is no greater calling if God has given you children. Wow, what a gift! It's fantastic! No one can raise your child like you do. No one else can have the same impact on them as you would. You want to be a world changer? You don't need to go out in the streets, hold up a placard, or lobby an advocacy with the senate and congress. You can do it right in your own home.

Empty nest women need to be actively changing the world by discovering His purpose for your second half of life. Women know how to give their lives for others. In this season find new ways to give your life away to those in great need. If you are not willing to be a world changer, how can you expect a better world? The world is waiting.

Work up the TEAMWORK

In my previous blog about marriage, I mentioned about teamwork. It means that marriage is an “AND” relationship, not an “OR” kind of relationship. I want to focus on this aspect in a bit more detail because I am seeing more and more couples pick fights at each other, vehemently opposing the other to the finish! A team always works for the goal, not against it. If one person is not working toward the same goal as the others in the group, then that person is not a teamplayer, not a true team-mate and…should be kicked out of the team! Funny, but I am right, am I? As a team, you are not – I repeat, NOT, in competition with each other.

What then is your goal as a couple? As a family?

“Marriage is about putting the other person’s needs above your own”

(Shaunti Feldham)

Teammates always think of the good of the other, self coming in last. In marriage, this rings so true. We have to always remind ourselves of this. This is why it is important that from the very start, husband and wife are clear about the goal of this marriage relationship they are in. Is it for self-fulfilment? Is it a place for me to have my needs met? Are you often thinking of what you can get out of it? Is it my own happiness that is of utmost importance? When you marry, whatever dreams and goals you had for yourself will now have to include your spouse. Where you used to dream big for one, now you dream big for two. Where you used to save up for one, now it is for two. Where you used to make decisions for one, now it is for two. Always. TWO. If you have a void in your life that needs to be filled, I have bad news for you. Your spouse is not the best person, and is never going to be the best person to fill it. The only one, the best one who can is God. When you allow God to fill in the void, meet those unmet needs, then you will overflow with His love and grace that you cannot help but spill it over to your spouse...love overflowing, grace abounding.

Teammates always think of the team, not just self…very seldom does a good teammate think of themselves alone. I am no basketball fan much less an expert but I have heard the interviews of basketball greats from Larry Bird to Michael Jordan to Stephen Curry, and they almost always deflect any personal praise they get. Instead they acknowledge the effort of the team. This is because they acknowledge that they are able to be who they are and accomplish what they have accomplished only because of the team effort. Now just like basketball, or any team for that matter, each person has a specific role to fulfill. If you don’t fulfill your role, your team collapses. Also, if you begin to fulfill someone else’s, even in the guise of fulfilling your own, the team suffers. Husband and wife have roles, God-given and God-mandated roles to do in the family. I do not see any reason why a husband should do wife roles and wife do husband roles. As husbands, let your wives do what they were designed to do first as women then as wives. Wives, let your husbands do what God has designed them to do first as men, then as husbands. Work as a team.

Teammates work together. Teammates work in unity. While you are different people, with unique personalities, when you enter into a marital relationship, you have to begin to learn to work together, specifically using your uniqueness to the advantage of the team. Remember, “in sickness and in health…”

And finally.

Teammates honor each other. What do I mean by this? Ephesians 5 says husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands. In a marital relationship love and respect go hand in hand. While in a different situation, we can respect someone without loving that person, but in the marital relationship we must do both together. Therefore the respect we give our husbands is not out of duty, but out of love. The love we give our wives is not out of duty but out of, well love. When you both love and respect each other, you will not do anything to dishonor him or her. You will not disrespect and embarrass him or her in front of other people, family or even when alone together. You will not tarnish his or her integrity with the children. You will not bash him or her, whatever the circumstance or situation may be. When you need to correct your spouse, you will find a way to do and say it without attacking him or her, because you respect him and you love her. Teammates don’t destroy each other, they lift and encourage one another to become a better person. 

And oh, by the way…

Being teammates before the kids come is highly necessary! I repeat…highly necessary!

You got to work on strengthening your team of two before it becomes three, four…or more. When the little ones come along, it will be a test of your true teamwork. If you don’t know how to work as a team of two, you will face unnecessary challenges and may even fail miserably as a team of parents.

TEAM WORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK!

So yes, work on your team skills. NOW!

17 years I DO!

June 27.

Today, Hubby and I are celebrating our 17th year both as a married couple, and then as a family. I am grateful to God for holding us together these past years, and in the years to come. God is a vital part of our marriage, the only valid third-party, allowed to come between us in any and all situations. 

Some say "Wow, 17 years ang tagal nyo na!" (Wow, 17 years, that's long!), but looking at my own parents, who celebrated their 57th wedding anniversary last month makes ours look like a mere baby. 

It's so tempting to downplay what we now have. But no, we do not dare downplay our 17 years, no matter how others may view it - whether as a young marriage or mature one. 17 is 17, and that's a long time to "have and to hold" given the varying degree of stubbornness we both possess or the annoying things we can do to each other. 

We do not dare downplay our 17 years, because, as we have come to discover, younger couples do look to us and follow our lead, even when we chose to be low-key as a couple.

We do not dare downplay our 17 years, because nowadays, one would be "lucky" to get past 2 or to even meet his/her soulmate at the altar and exchange I DOs.

We do not dare downplay our 17 years, because each year is a gift from God.

Incidentally, the few weeks preceding today, I had an encounter with two young couples - one for counselling, the other for mentoring. It is interesting (albeit, surprising) what one who has been married for quite a while can learn from younger couples nowadays. You have to hold on to your seat, to keep yourself from falling over when you hear what are the current perceptions on marriage.

I will not list them down here. But I WILL instead, share some of my thoughts that have come out of these discussions.

Start your marriage on a positive mindset.

What does it mean to begin with a positive mindset? That your marriage will work, rather than on a negative mindset like: "my parents' marriage failed, so baka sa akin din?" or even with doubt that "what if it doesn't work?" When you start with a negative mindset, you are already leading your marriage to fail, even before it actually does. When you approach your marriage with a positive mindset, you are

leading your marriage to a win-win course. Revisit your core belief about marriage, and be honest. Are you approaching it from a losing mindset or from a winning mindset?

The best and surest approach to marriage is with God’s word.

“If two people approach marriage with God’s word, they will be following His ways and doing His will.” (D. Weil) 

Being married to the same person for the rest of my life is going to be boring. 
While I can see how some couples (mostly wives) acquire this sentiment, it should never be the case. Unless you have married a robot, it is not possible for your spouse to remain the same for the rest of his or her lifetime. The person you married will be a different person next year, because like everyone, he or she grows to a level up of maturity and in his or her walk with God. Now, perhaps the question you need to ask is this "Is my spouse a better person because of me?" I hope he or she is not a bitter person because of you!

Marriage is an AND relationship, not an OR.

When we open a joint bank account, it is either ‘and’, ‘or’ or ‘and/or’. But with our love bank account, there is only one kind of account – AND. Marriage is teamwork. You are a team, and not in competition with each other. So, don’t ever entertain the idea that your spouse is not “kampi” (on your side) with you just because he/she opposed your idea or doesn’t support your move all the time. I believe that there is no one person who enters into a marriage covenant with the conscious mindset to ‘compete’ with his/her spouse. I mean, so what if you are better than your spouse at cooking, will someone give you a gold medal for it? So what if you are better than your spouse at budgeting. Will it win you a million bucks? Whatever it is you are better at is to complement your spouse, and whatever it is he/she is better at is to complement you. Have you read the Proverbs 31 woman? Go ahead and read it again, but this time think marriage. This is a couple who definitely complements each other. Their respective strengths carry each other, and people praise him AND her because of what each one brings into their marriage.

Someone once said, “Happy marriages happen because couples think of the other and to grow in friiendship with them”

I have also been asked, what do I do to keep my marriage strong and healthy. It can get confusing with all the stuff that’s out there about marriage. They are all good, and they all say the same thing, just in different ways…so don’t get confused.

I subscribe to Everett Worthington’s ingredients to a thriving marriage: Faith, Work, Love. 

Perhaps, I will share more about it on my next blog. 

Blessings!

Donna

Hey JOY!

A job promotion. A gift. A reunion with family or friends. An exam passed. A new gadget. An increase in sales. An answered prayer. Things that make us happy.
But most of the time, we don't get these things. A lot of times, we experience failure, disappointment, an unanswered prayer. Can we still be happy?
We may try to.
We may fake it.
We may...
But the truth is, we don't.
Because being happy is circumstantial. It is ignited by the external.

Try JOY.

Have you met someone who, despite being in a crisis still exudes happiness?
It is actually joy!

What's the difference?

Happiness is a product of our situation or our circumstances in life.
JOY comes out of our surrender to God.

Happiness is based on our feelings.
JOY is based on our gratitude.

Happiness is motivated by the external.
JOY is motivated from within.

In times of crises, our happiness will shift to sadness and despair.
But our JOY transforms into peace.

With Happiness, we can survive.
With JOY, we can thrive!

Why just be happy when we can choose JOY!

OF NEW BEGINNINGS

WATCHING
So here I am doing staring at my first healthy and filling breakfast for 2016. Bagels with cream cheese and tomato onion basil omelette and my coffee buddy. 
With peaches and papaya. Staring at the backyard buddies at play.
Because on the first monday of the year i went on a weeklong prayer and fast. So this is literally my first breakfast.

THINKINGSo now Im thinking, how will this year be like? It was one year ago when I was thrown a bad curveball, a shock and blow in life, something that really shook my 35 year old faith. I have, many times in the past, laid on Gods lap for comfort from personal pains and struggles or in behalf of the pains of loved ones. But this one rendered me paralysed and I could only crawl to His feet in agony and disbelief, and on the brink of losing hope in humanity. 

Is there no more place on earth where we can be safe from the evil hearts of men? How can one call it a haven when people you trusted and loved, stab you hard? It just blows me away that people will harm without heart even if you have given them your own and shared blessings with them without witholding anything. It was dreadfully agonizing. It was grief for a certain hope had died. 

THANKING
It has been a year. While a lot has happened to bring healing and forgiveness, much more still has to transpire. The memory still brings tears to my eyes, not anymore for the hurt they have cause me, but much so now for the future blessings they could have had but will not receive because they have cut off with their very own hands by chosing to slay what God has chosen for them. Because no amount of prayer nor fasting nor apology can take back time and erase the consequences.


2015 was a hard year. But as yesterday's sermon reminds, "your past failure could literally be your greatest success."

Thus, perhaps some would be able to understand if I step in to 2016 very carefully threading each day lest I miss another arrow from behind. 
While I know that God's got my back, when you go through a thing like betrayal, you become careful. Not even affecting your faith and trust in God but the physical pain of the wound is just a loud reminder of that hurt. God doesnt tell us not to go through it, not to feel it, not to be disappointed. He says yes feel it but feel it with me.

UNCOMPLICATED

Uncomplicated.
That's how it should be.
Simple.
That's the story our lives should tell.

Schedules. 
Duties. 
Responsibilities.
Obligations. 
Commitments. 
Time stealers.

Time is not ours. 
Time belongs to the creator.
Time is irrelevant unless it is spent in something significant.





Then what is significant?

Is it the deadline? 
Is it the promotion?
Is it the bills to pay? 
Is it the task to do?
Is it the promotion of the cause of 'self'?
Is it the affirmation and adulation of others?

Look up.
To see what is significant.
He who painted the sky and weaved the seas for you.

Step back.
To see what is significant. 
He who walks with you, journeys with you 
and guides you.

Kneel down.
To see what is significant.
He who longs to be with you, 
and wrap you in His arms.











Life doesn't need to be

complicated.
He made it to be simple.
He made is pure.
He made it perfect.
What more can we ask?